My Love

Nine years.
108 months.
3,285 days.
78,840 hours.
4,700,430 minutes.
As of this minute, that's how long you've been my wife.

In some ways it feels just like yesterday.

In other ways it seems like a lifetime; because it is hard to imagine life without you.

Almost a third of our lives has been spent together as man and wife.

I struggled to figure out how to even talk about what you mean to me. Some things just can't be expressed in words in a way that will ever satisfy.
The best idea I could come up with was a little story of us.
Sure, others can read this and enjoy the story, but this is for you.

We've known each other for more than 13 years.

I still remember our verbal jousting sessions in EN102 and how much fun it was to meet someone who could give a snappy comeback to my silly comments. Even then, while barely knowing you, I admired your mind and your ability to communicate. And to be honest, the fact that you could find a quirky person like me fun to be around was unexpected.
The fact that you continued to like me and that our relationship developed still surprises me at times. The collection of ways in which I managed to complicate things (like my inability to ask you out properly) makes me cringe to this day. Yet, you still were willing to be with me.

Then came Burger King.
One of the reasons that I think so fondly of that job was because of the time that I got to work with you while there. Sure, it wasn't easy having a friend as an employee, and I did give you some of the worst jobs to do in order to show that I wasn't playing favorites; but we also had time to talk like we hadn't before. Not only were we able to learn a whole lot more about each other, but also about our personal faiths.
I learned to admire you even more here, because I got to see the way your mind works and how seriously you take matters of faith. Where others don't care at all, or are more willing to "agree to disagree" on things that they consider difficult or uninteresting; you were willing to look and consider ideas that you'd never heard before from someone who was still learning how to convey those ideas coherently. I have no shame in saying that my knowledge of God and His word increased dramatically in that time because you forced me to defend my beliefs.
On the day we were married I said that you had gotten to see me at my worst while working there. I know a whole lot better now, but still am thankful for us having such a chance to see each other outside of the confines of dating and the way that people portray themselves better in that situation.

Somehow, in the midst of our discussions on religion, our busy class schedules, both of us working (separate jobs by that point), and just life in general; a romance formed.
I really don't understand what you saw in me then and even less what you see in me now, but it pretty soon became obvious to everyone that it was more than just friendship.

It still is the best birthday present of my life, having you accept my offer to spend our lives together, and I don't see any other present coming close any time soon.

While some people may consider the last year of college to be the hardest; I barely remember the last semester of it, since I was just waiting for the day that I could marry you.

And then the months after flew by as we approached the day where you would be my bride.

We took oaths together before God, family, and friends; oaths that bind us in this life.

But to be honest, it's not just about the oaths. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be the one that you can't live without and want to spend your life with.

No, it hasn't been easy. We'll both admit to being sinners and having our issues.

If anything, you've probably found that I'm more quirky than you knew before you married me.

 The point is that we have worked through those issues and continued to love one another.

I have loved learning and growing together with you.

The man that I have become, and the man that I want to be, has been contributed to in so many ways because of things that you have helped me understand.

I have no doubt that I am a better man because of you.

It is my prayer that I've made you a better woman.

We've been through a lot together.

Nine years is enough time for various things to happen.

We've been through lost jobs, lost family, and lost friends; but you've been faithful both to God and me. You've been at my side and had my back.

And there are the adventures we've taken together. Whether it be climbing the face of Bald Rock shortly after marrying me to swimming with dolphins, I've loved sharing my life with you.

It has been fascinating to watch you grow into the role of a mother.

I know you didn't initially think that you'd really get it, or that you'd be good at it.

Perhaps that's why God let us wait so long before we were able to have Natalia.

But when His time was right, He made everything work out.

You may not realize it, but you're a great mom, and Natalia has always loved you.

Seeing the two of you and how you both are learning with each other is wonderful.

Sharing a happy family with you is incredible.

Last year was hard.

Our joy and our second pregnancy and then pain at the loss of it was difficult to process in such a short amount of time.

But that's when you really get to see the strength of someone. When we were faced with that loss, even the possibility of losing you, it wasn't something that you crumbled under. You grabbed hold of your faith and relied on the God that we both love for your strength.

And I meant what I said then. You are worth more to me than any number of children, and if we had never had another you would have been more than enough for me.

But God continued to be good.

Getting to have another child with you was an amazing gift.

Experiencing the joy of surprise and learning all over again and the way that it lit you up. Sharing with you the thanks to God for giving us an opportunity that we shouldn't have had.

Having another life entrusted by God to us, that we get to raise and mold together. The wonder of life from the beginning again. I am thankful to share such a time with you.

 Seeing you each day and the way that you take care of our girls is marvelous. I know it did scare you, and maybe does still sometimes, but you're a good mom. The way that you have continued to teach, help, and care for both of them encourages me.

My love.

You are the greatest natural gift I have ever been given.

God made you for me, and He did so very well.

Yes, it's been nine long years, but that's hardly enough.

I pray for many more years with you in my arms.

This feeble effort isn't enough to express what you mean to me, but that's what life is for.

You have been my beloved and my friend; and I want to spend my life with you.

What's in a Name II

For those of you who sometimes look in on my blog, you might note the name change.

When I originally picked the name; I did so looking for a meaningful message to convey right up front for anyone looking at my blog.
For that purpose I could think of few things more meaningful than one of my favorite verses; Romans 9:16. The message it conveys of God's complete and total sovereignty in all things including salvation is a message I hope to spread far and wide.

However, I didn't realize just how long at title that would be.
So, I've taken the primary words of the statement and shortened it.

Hopefully this will be a step toward adding more content soon.

Politics: Dose of Perspective

I've had several different posts on politics bouncing around in my head for about four years now. I'm sure I'll eventually get around to posting some of those thoughts.

However, with some current events taking place in our nation, I wanted to give some simple responses to current events for people around me.

Yes, I will be using scripture for this (did you really doubt that).

In fact, I'll be using my favorite Psalm.

My personal perspective on politics will be for another time. This is about reassurance for the downcast and a reminder for those who spend way too much time on a topic that has so little meaning in the bigger picture.

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 Psalm 146 has been a favorite of mine for well over a decade. The content of it is full of the praise of God and logical instruction in how a child of God should view the world and where he should look for help. I had the privilege of presenting this Psalm several years ago, and the study of it prior to that time showed me things in the passage that I had never seen before. One of the wonders of the word of God is that you can look through it so often and still find new things on each reading.

For brevity of content and time, I'm going to leave off a few parts of the Psalm and just focus on the parts that deal with politics.

³ Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.

The two primary themes of this Psalm are the praise of God and the source of your personal reliance in life.
The Psalmist goes right away to the highest level of earthly trust that a man can have: a powerful ruling benefactor. Those who put their reliance on themselves, their family, their jobs, etc don't have anything to stand on, since those things are so easily overcome. Having a prince or a monarch, someone whose power is not easily removable, there to support you is the most steady form of help that a person can have on Earth.
However, right away we're told that placing trust in a person like that is truly meaningless.

 I look around at so many people I know; so many people that claim the name of Christ, and see how much time they are spending on the topic of politics and how tightly they tie themselves to a man or a party. Now I see so many of them dejected, frustrated, or confused.
Why have you put so much trust there? Why do you spend so much time and effort on things that will never satisfy (Isa 55:2)?

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⁴ His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.

The greatest and most powerful benefactor in the world is merely a man. Even if he cares enough about you to protect for you his whole life (and I don't think I know anyone who has enough influence to win that kind of support); he will inevitably die and his support of you will cease. He could have the best intentions for you, but those intentions are meaningless without him.
That right there is the simple description for how much the VERY BEST kind of help a man can have on this Earth, and how vain and futile it really is.

Looking at the verses so far; it's pretty bleak. There are practically no people like the one described in the Psalm even available for you today, and even then they have no lasting help to give.
I have to ask again. What is your preoccupation with politics? Sure, there is a small place that this can and should hold in the life of someone, but I see so many who it has become an idol for.
Your candidate can't really help or save you (and that is the same for those who support the front-runners or those who lose). There is neither place for crowing in victory or depression in defeat. If you find yourself taking part in either you have a problem with your priorities.

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⁵ Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God:

 I could seriously just stop here with the Psalm and make the point.
"Happy;" how about that for a result? If you place your reliance and trust on God, looking to Him for your help; you'll be happy.
This is really simple. What more needs to be said?

The more reliance and emphasis you place on these other things (in particular the politics of this fallen and sin cursed world); the more you will dilute your happiness. It will not, indeed cannot, satisfy.

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⁶ Which made heaven, and earth, the sea, and all that therein is: which keepeth truth for ever:

 In case the promise of happiness wasn't enough for you; the Psalmist decided to give us a list of actions of God, so we could further see why we should look to Him alone for help. He is the Creator and the Maintainer of everything, especially the truth.

You want to think of power? You think that the "most powerful man in the free world" is significant? Try thinking instead about the God that made the world.

While you're busy worrying about and fixating on a system composed of lies, misinformation, and compromise; He keeps truth alive and unaltered in a world that seeks to bury it.

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⁷ Which executeth judgment for the oppressed: which giveth food to the hungry. The Lord looseth the prisoners:

⁸ The Lord openeth the eyes of the blind: the Lord raiseth them that are bowed down: the Lord loveth the righteous:

⁹ The Lord preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.

He doesn't just give a list of His actions; He also gives a description of His character and how it shapes His actions. Look at how He wants you to view and evaluate His acts! This list tells you who His priorities are for His actions: the unfortunate and the righteous.

Further, there is real comfort in knowing that not only can your source of help aid you but also deal with those people who would seek to do you harm. God doesn't just defend the righteous; He deals judgment on the wicked.

Lots of politicians speak about fixing problems. They make pledges and promises to get people to support them. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment and say that maybe they mean that. But then they have to have the actual power to accomplish that goal, and they have to work through a system to make that happen, and they have to have the resources available to do that.

In other words, even when they want to, those earthly "princes" can do so little. Meanwhile, God supports all of those unfortunate people from His own unstoppable will and endless supply of ability.

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So, for those of you who are experiencing a strong emotional response today; stop and evaluate.

The world is no darker or lighter today than yesterday. Nothing has changed at all.

God still reigns, and His throne is unchallenged. Nothing here strengthens or weakens it by the smallest margin. If you've taken the name of Christian; neither your home nor your nation are truly on this Earth, and too much emphasis on it deprives you of time and energy that can be spent on things of far more profit.

Let these words be the ones that occupy your mind today.

Isaiah 52:7

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!

Biblical Translation Case Study: But does it REALLY Matter?

Disclaimer: this is very spur of the moment post, and  might have some errors in it because of that. Such errors will be set right at a future time if needed.

Today I came home to find a couple of tracts shoved into my door. I knew right away that the local community of "Jehovah's Witnesses" had been by.
As usual, I glanced briefly at the provided literature to see what new madness they wanted to push on the world.
What I saw actually took me aback.

Now, I know most people won't understand why seeing that particular quote on the front of a JW tract is so shocking, so I'll explain.

The Jehovah's Witnesses believe in a doctrine called "soul sleep," which states that when we die our souls go into an inert state where we do, see, and know nothing; and that we stay in that state until the Resurrection. This, along with their idea of "annihilation" and their view of an elite 144,000 in Heaven make up some of the major heretical ideas of their view of the soul and afterlife.

Why is the use of that phrase, which is derived from Luke 23:43, so significant?
Because that verse is one of the easiest to use to show how "soul sleep" is a lie.

Luke 23:43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. (KJV)

This simple and easily overlooked verse proves two scriptural truths. First, Jesus went to Heaven after His death and before His resurrection (unlike the popular idea of Jesus descending into Hell). Secondly, that the thief there with Jesus would be in Heaven that same day with Jesus.
There can hardly be 2000+ year gap between the death of the thief and his arrival in Heaven because his soul is "sleeping" when Jesus makes a promise like that.
They have chosen a passage that shows their doctrine to be a lie as their catch-phrase for a big meeting!

And lest you think that they drew the words from elsewhere or didn't know the context, here's what they say inside of their tract (underlining supplied by me).

How can they use this passage that so easily destroys them? Because of their Bible version.

Luke 23:43 And he said to him: “Truly I tell you today, you will be with me in Paradise.” (NWT)

Did you catch it? Do you see the change? It's very small and subtle, so it's easy to overlook...
They simply moved the comma in the sentence over by a word and changed the whole meaning of the verse!
It went from Jesus giving immediate peace to a repentant sinner to telling him that He (Jesus) was making a statement to the thief that day (why that day when they hadn't met before? no idea) about the fact that he would sometime be in Paradise.
Just like that the truth is stolen away.

However

My point in this little post isn't to demonstrate the dishonesty and error of the Jehovah's Witnesses. That's easy. You can do that on hundreds of fronts with less effort.

My point is to look at a very quick example of how important translation is and how it is not what most claim.

I have heard over and over and over (until the point of nausea) that "no conservative translation has any doctrinal difference." I heard that such was stated from the platform during chapel at BJU this year.

That is simply not the least bit true.

Now, when we're discussing "Conservative translations" we are automatically throwing out many or most. That's throwing out those that rely on any form of "equivalence" in translation. Equivalence is when someone takes the words of the text and puts it into their own words. Yup, that means things like "the Message" are nothing more than novels written by men about what they think the word of God says. It robs the ability to properly interpret the passage, since someone else has already put their interpretation in it.

So, now that we're just down to translations that claim to properly try to work at the word level, I have to point out the major flaw in the statement above about the lack of doctrinal difference that can be found based on differences in translation.

First of all, I have to point out that this is a TINY and obscure little part of this argument. There are dozens of other examples easily accessible to see other doctrinal differences caused by variations in the translations.

What is obvious from this passage is that even tiny changes in the text - even as small as a comma in this case - can make significant changes in the doctrine that a verse presents. So significant that a verse that disproves heresy can then be used by heretics to support themselves.

Tell me, if something that small can be used to change doctrine, how much more something like whole deleted passages, deleted verses, deleted words, changes in words, and even verb tenses? How can one so summarily dismiss as insignificant things that are gigantic in comparison to the placement of a comma between two words?

Perhaps it's time for people to stop accepting something as they are told and actually look for themselves.

Yes, again, this article was written over a short period of time and might contain some issues, but I am more than happy to, indeed, excited to discuss the implications of it with those who desire to.

The LORD gave... and gave... and gave.

"the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." - Job 1:21b

I have known these words my entire life. I've known them as the correct answer to pain and loss in life, but I've never even been close to a place where these words were appropriate. I've never known a situation of loss that wasn't somewhat expected or common-place. However, wisdom says to prepare for such things, and I knew the day would come when I would have to choose how to respond to a negative event in my own life.

It has taken me months to get to the point of writing this. Other than to immediate family, I don't think that the full story and the thoughts that went through our heads has ever been shared with people.
It's entirely possible that many of you don't even know that something happened to our little family at the beginning and middle of April.

On April 5th, Angela discovered and then surprised me with the knowledge that she was pregnant. We had a truly wonderful day; celebrating the joy of God's blessing in our lives.

It was a particular blessing for us, because there had been a good deal of anxiety and difficulty in our first conception. We had gotten to the point of consulting with specialists the first time, since we had been unable to get pregnant after a full year of trying. So, for God to grant that to us so quickly (when not really even trying) was simply an amazing blessing.
In our joy to tell everyone how wonderfully God had helped us, we were preparing to announce it to everyone on the 12th of April.

However, God had another plan for us.

April 11th had been a pretty busy day for us. We were with some good friends, looking at a possible dog for them, at the animal shelter by Cherrydale (the other side of town from home) when Angela began experiencing some abdominal pains. At first we thought it wasn't anything very serious, but thankfully we were together, so that I could drive Angela home. We contacted some friends of ours that were in the medical field and got some advice on what to do, and Angela laid down for a while.
After an hour in bed and with the pain continuing to be a problem, we made the decision to travel to the Hillcrest ER to get Angela checked out. We got there sometime around 6. Happily, Angela's parents were nearby and came to take care of Natalia while we were there, and Christine joined us. They ran blood work, and kept her reasonably comfortable, and we waited. After several hours of not much happening, Angela's pain suddenly increased dramatically. They told us that they were bringing their ultrasound technician in, since they don't have one in the hospital on the weekends (they had previously said that if we needed an ultrasound we'd have to go to Memorial). Around 10:30, Angela went in for an ultrasound to see what was going on.

While all of this was going on, everyone that had known about the pregnancy had gotten a text or a phone call, so that they could pray for us.

After a couple of minutes, while I paced in the entirely empty waiting area of the radiology department, we were told that Angela had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. We knew what that meant, and both of us descended into tears.
The radiology nurses took us back to our room in the ER, and the staff there came in to discuss the situation. The sympathy with which they dealt with us was very comforting.

Of course, they brought up the normal procedure for dealing with ectopic pregnancies.
For those who don't know, an ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilized egg implants in a place where it shouldn't be rather than the uterus. Usually, it implants in the Fallopian tube (93% of the time). In such cases, there is effectively no way to save the pregnancy. To do nothing in such a case will lead to a rupture that will kill the child and potentially harm the mother. That rupture had already happened to Angela.
The standard procedure, because of the fragility of the Fallopian tube and potential damage to the system is to take both the tube and the ovary that goes with it.

That's where our pain became worse. We knew that was what the doctors were going to say, but it was devastating. Angela only has one ovary and one tube after having an ovarian cyst removed in her late teens. The doctors had just told us that we were about to be unable to have any more children.
Again, realizing the situation, the staff did what they could to give comfort.
I asked if there was anything that could be done to save the tube or the ovary and the tube. The doctor replied that they could try to save one or both, but that the emphasis would be to save Angela first from any risks. That kind of statement made very clear what the chances were.
They immediately sent for an ambulance to transfer Angela to Memorial for emergency surgery. It was one of the harder things I have been told in my life when I was informed that I would be unable to ride with her. So, Christine got behind the wheel and we took off for Memorial.

By the time that we got to Memorial, it was around 11:15, and there were already people there waiting for us. You know you are loved when you get to a hospital late in the night on a Saturday and find three already there and three more are on their way to just be there to support you.
It took almost 45 more minutes for Angela to be transported and into the pre-op area, so that I could be back with her. During all of that time I was surrounded by family and brethren of faith that wanted to comfort and cheer me.
When I got to go back in to see her, Angela had already been talking to the surgeons and we went over what we were hoping for them to be able to do one more time. Again, the reply was not positive, emphasizing that Angela's overall well-being was the most important. We couldn't have known how accurate they were on that point.
Shortly after midnight I walked with Angela to the outside of the operating area. We gave each other one last kiss, and I went out to wait. They told me that the surgery could be from one to two hours, based on how much damage they had to repair.

Thankfully, the hospital staff directed all of us to an empty seating area not far from the OR. At that point, there was nothing for me to do but sit and think, and that's when the fear and the sadness grips you. Sometimes, being with the one that you love and supporting them in their fear can help you hold it together when you're ready to break, but when you can't be there for them, you have to face your own feelings.
I'll admit that in that time I wept more than I have at any point of my life, and my faith was weak.
But that's why God made churches, so that you can have brethren there to bear you in your infirmities. The seven of us in that waiting area didn't sit in silence, we didn't exchange meaningless trivial words, we prayed and shared scriptures of God's protection and help of His people. Hearing them turn to passage after passage (so many of them favorites of mine) and read the promises of God to aid the ones He allows to fall into adversity was such a strengthening for my soul.
And then we prayed. And I asked God first to save Angela, then to do as He saw fit. I knew how bad the usual results would be, and I only had enough faith to ask for Him to protect my love. I offered those words, so long known and prepared for, and declared to Him: "blessed be the name of the LORD." And as the others prayed, He gave peace.

I said at the start that I had never before had a true reason to quote that verse, and I tell you honestly now, I still don't!

After only around 45 minutes, the surgeon and his staff came out to find us (they actually had walked past us, since I was sitting on the floor and they hadn't seen me). The expressions on their faces were far more happy than I would have expected for ones who had just dealt with such a situation.
But that was before they spoke.
Angela was fine, praise God! However, that was by no means all that He had done for us. He worked a miracle! It turns out that the egg hadn't gone into the tube at all, but had implanted on the side of her ovary, and in such a way that when it ruptured there was no internal damage to the ovary. Both the ovary and the tube were undamaged either by the pregnancy or the surgery. We were assured that there was zero harm done to the ability of us to have further children. She had lost around a liter of blood, which had been what increased the pain she was feeling earlier, and had been right on the line of requiring a transfusion, but even that was unneeded.
A few short hours later, I was sleeping on a sofa next to her bed.

At this point I want to briefly point out why the word "miracle" is so easily spoken on this matter.
I already mentioned the biggest statistic of ectopic pregnancies. 93% of them involve the egg implanting in the tube, and the resulting damage to the reproductive system. Around 7% are  located at the end of the tube on either side, and can result in the same or worse surgical results, including the removal of the uterus.
While my math isn't good, it's good enough for me to know that 93+7=100. In this case though, there are some very rare cases. The frightening thing about these cases is that though combined, they all take up less than 1% of the ectopic cases, they account for around 20% of the fatalities. Two options are cervical (implanted in the cervix) and abdominal (implanting in some other area of the abdomen, including other organs). Both of them can lead to major damage.
Then there is the final option, an ovarian ectopic, which is what happened to Angela. Even within that, several events can take place. Sometimes the rupture damages the ovary and causes it to cease function, or a portion of the ovary has to be removed.
Even in the midst of having that less than 1/3 of 1% chance of having an ovarian ectopic, God still blessed us to have no damage caused whatsoever. Other than the hemorrhaging, which was bad enough, that lack of damage is a miracle. It defies probability in the most wonderful way as to allow two people who would have had no other chance for children to have no loss of ability.

Don't get me wrong, this whole event was very painful for us.
Angela had to endure hours of massive pain and had weeks of recovery from emergency surgery and loss of blood.
The emotional toll on us from the stress of that night and the loss of our child is something that still appears at times. God saw fit, in His perfect wisdom and righteousness, to both give and take a life in a short period of time, and that leads to a lot of feelings.

However; as much as it hurt, and as much as the short life of our child will not be forgotten, the way that God was with us through the whole ordeal and supplied us with blessing after blessing is overwhelming.
Instead of choosing to feel that pain; He has helped us to give thanks for all He did.
He gave us six days of joy and hope in the gift of that little life.
He gave us time with family and friends to express the wonder of His blessing in conception.
He gave me the chance, on the night of the 10th, to speak to that child for a little while and to express the affection in which we held that child.
He provided loving friends and family to be there immediately to support us, even at a very inconvenient time. They stayed well into the early morning, just to be there with me and surround me with their love.
He put us in an age where we have machines and medicine that were able to save my wife. In previous generations she would not have survived.
He guided the hands of the doctors and their efforts to fix the damage without need to be invasive.
He gave His pure and perfect word, which is filled with His inspired comfort for us in time of need.
His Spirit came and interceded for me, when I didn't have the faith to think that He would work beyond the laws of probability.

I wanted to share this with everyone.
Only a little bit of it is to tell the account of what happened to us. We are not unique in the struggles and pain that came into our lives.
Instead, what we have to give is glory to God for His amazing kindness to us!